Last week, I introduced Gretchen Rubin’s Four Tendencies framework. As a quick reminder, the framework looks at two kinds of expectations.
Outer expectations come from other people. A venue needs your promotional materials by Friday. Your producer is waiting for your vocal tracks. Your fans are expecting the livestream you announced.
Inner expectations are the promises you make to yourself. You plan to practice three times this week, finish your artist bio, send a fan email, or spend Saturday applying for grants.
According to Rubin, the way we respond to those two types of expectations places us into one of four tendencies:
Upholder
Questioner
Obliger
Rebel
[READ LAST WEEK’S EMAIL ABOUT THE UPHOLDER]
This week, we are talking about the second tendency, the Questioner.
A Questioner can meet both inner and outer expectations, but only after deciding that the expectation makes sense.
They do not automatically accept a task because a coach, manager, producer, or music industry expert told them to do it.
They want to know:
Why is this important?
Will it help me reach my goal?
Is there a better or more efficient way to do it?
For musicians, this can be a tremendous strength.
A Questioner is less likely to jump onto every new platform, copy a strategy that does not fit her audience, or spend money on a service without understanding what she is paying for.
She wants evidence. She wants a logical reason. She wants to know that the time she is about to spend will lead somewhere useful.
The problem begins when the questions never stop.
A Questioner might spend three weeks comparing email platforms instead of sending an email.
She may watch fifteen videos about releasing a single, download four checklists, research seven distribution companies, and still feel like she does not have enough information to choose a release date.
The research feels responsible. Sometimes it is.
Other times, it is procrastination wearing a girl scout badge.
This is where an accountability group can help a Questioner work with her natural strengths without getting trapped inside them.
1. A group can help you clarify why a task is worth doing
Telling a Questioner, “You need to post three times a week because that is what successful musicians do,” will probably create more questions than action.
A better approach is to connect the task to a specific goal.
Are you posting because you want more people to hear your new single? Are you trying to start conversations with current fans? Are you testing whether a certain kind of story gets more replies?
Once a Questioner understands the purpose, she can decide whether the action makes sense.
An accountability group gives her a place to talk through that reasoning with people who understand music marketing. The group may confirm that the task supports her goal, suggest a better approach, or help her remove something that never belonged on her list.
2. A group can put an ending point on the research
Questioners are often very good researchers. We are not always as good at deciding when we have enough information.
There will always be another podcast episode, comparison chart, expert opinion, or YouTube tutorial. At some point, more information stops helping you make a better decision and simply delays the decision.
An accountability group can help you set a clear limit.
You might decide to compare three distribution companies by Wednesday, choose one on Thursday, and open your account by Friday.
You still get to ask questions and make an informed choice. You are simply deciding ahead of time when the questioning phase will end.
That deadline can turn weeks of circling into one thoughtful decision.
3. Other musicians can show you what the research cannot
A Questioner may understand every feature listed on a website and still not know what it is actually like to use the platform.
This is where lived experience becomes valuable.
Someone in your group may tell you that the tool you are considering is difficult to navigate, the customer service is slow, or the extra features are not worth paying for at your current stage.
Another person may have tested the exact release strategy you are researching and can explain what worked for her.
You are no longer trying to make the decision using articles, sales pages, and tutorials alone. You have real musicians helping you see how the option works in everyday life.
That kind of outside perspective can also help a Questioner recognize when she is using research to avoid something uncomfortable.
You may not need another lesson about sending fan emails. You may need to write the first paragraph, choose a subject line, and press send.
BONUS: A questioner will be invaluable to the group because of your questioning nature. You will provide a great sounding board for other members who may be overlooking some gaping holes in their logic. Your questions can definitely help others see what they may be missing.
Inside the Female Musician Accelerator, members can post their weekly goals and return on Friday to report what they completed.
For a Questioner, that goal might be less about completing a long list of tasks and more about making one important decision.
FMA also gives members access to workshops, coaching, and conversations where they can ask questions and understand the reasoning behind a strategy. I do not expect women to follow advice simply because I said it. I want them to understand how it applies to their music, audience, goals, and current season of life.
And here's the really exciting part...Starting in September, annual members will also have access to accountability groups hand picked by me.
For a Questioner, this creates a place to bring the questions, hear different perspectives, decide what makes sense, and then commit to the next concrete action.
If that sounds like the kind of support you need, you can learn more about Female Musician Accelerator and the benefits included with the annual membership here:
You do not have to stop asking questions. You may simply need people who can help you recognize when you have enough answers to act.
Next week, we will talk about the Obliger, the tendency that is often very good at meeting everyone else’s expectations while her own music goals keep getting pushed aside.
Always in your corner,
<3 Bree
PS: If you prefer to read FEM Friday on Substack, you can Subscribe Here