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PROFITABLE MUSICIAN WEEKLY NEWSLETTER |
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Hey there, Profitable Musician!
I kept thinking about something my podcast guest, Molly Norenberg, said after we finished recording this week’s episode.
She talked about how many performers are trained to override what their bodies are telling them. At first, it can sound like discipline. You’re being professional. You’re pushing through. You’re proving you can handle the pressure.
But after a while, your body may start reacting to music like it’s an emergency, or even a threat, instead of something you actually love.
That’s where FFFF comes in.
Fight, flight, freeze, or fawn.
Fight can show up as urgency. You push harder, say yes too quickly, rehearse when you’re wiped out, or try to force progress because slowing down feels dangerous or even irresponsible.
Flight and Freeze are self-explanatory and can be a predictable result of turning your music career into a high stakes pressure cooker.
Fawn is the one a lot of women miss because it can look like being nice, agreeable, or “easy to work with.” You say yes to keep the peace or take the underpaid gig so nobody is disappointed. You act grateful for an opportunity your gut already knows is a bad fit.
I don’t think enough musicians have been taught to recognize these responses.
We’re often told to push through. If you want it badly enough, you’ll make the sacrifice. That kind of thinking may sound noble in your twenties, but it can really mess with you over time, and especially as you start to accrue more responsibilities outside of music.
When Molly talked about her own performing years, she said she wished someone had told her it was wise to find a way to earn money where she could still feel whole.
I knew that line would hit home for many of you.
Because when every gig, audition, release, or opportunity has to prove your entire worth as an artist, you don’t walk into it with poise and self-assurance. You walk in with shallow breathing, a tight stomach, and the feeling that one “no” could knock you out for a week.
People can feel that, even if you think you’re hiding it well.
I learned some of this after I became a mom. Suddenly my time had a different value. If I was going to be away from my kids for a gig, it needed to make sense. I started saying no to things I probably should have turned down years before.
Motherhood didn’t make me less serious about music. It made me more honest about what deserved my yes.
You might be in a stage of life where you can’t chase every opportunity. You’ve got people depending on you. You’ve got bills to pay. Your body needs rest, and your brain may not function well when every week feels like a rat race.
You can take your music seriously without running your whole plan on panic, guilt, and adrenaline.
A music career that can last has to fit the actual life you’re living. For you, that might mean keeping a part-time job while you build, choosing fewer gigs with better intention, or setting up a simple income plan so one missed opportunity doesn’t make you question everything.
Please don’t confuse frantic with serious.
A healthier path may look less impressive from the outside. It might be one protected rehearsal night a week, or finally admitting that rest must get a dedicated block on your calendar if you want to keep going.
I know that’s not the glamorous version of the music business. It probably won’t make a great movie montage. For a lot of women I know, this is the difference between quitting and continuing. It certainly was for me.
You need a way to keep coming back to the music without resenting it, fearing it, or making it responsible for your entire financial and emotional stability.
This week’s podcast conversation with Molly Norenberg goes deeper into this, especially if you’ve ever felt guilty for needing a music path that doesn’t look like the one you envisioned in your twenties.
We talk about:
• why obsessive passion is not the healthiest measure of commitment
• how nervous system awareness changes the way you show up to perform
• why singing for pleasure can be a practical first step back
• how to take your dream seriously without turning it into another source of pressure
If your music career has been running on FFFF - fight, flight, freeze, or fawn - this episode will help you understand what may be happening under the surface and how to start coming back to your creativity in a healthier way.
Listen or watch here on Apple, YouTube and other Apps
A music career that has staying power is intentionally designed, not a product of decisions made when your nervous system is on high alert.
Always in your corner,
<3 Bree
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